No Return

Saw you again today
Didn't plan on stopping
Been busy working
Don't need anybody talking
Mom says you got a way
Of dressing bad ideas up clean
Maybe she's right
Still
You were there at two in the morning
When my head started turning on me
Didn't ask questions
Didn't need details
Hell
You showed up
Even when I wasn't in need

Pressure everywhere lately
Bills stacked
Phones lighting up
Everybody barely hanging on
Get your shit together
They say
Like it's sitting somewhere obvious
Maybe I'll add it to the order
Shipping's never really free

I don't blame you
For the nights that almost felt like peace
Or laughing too loud
Like the world couldn't touch me
Guess I needed something
To quiet what was underneath
You just happened to be there first

Always there
That was the problem

Nobody celebrates survival
Not the ugly kind anyway
They just stare at the wreckage later
Act surprised
You lost the wheel somewhere
Meanwhile most people I know
Are a paycheck away
From selling pieces
They swear they'll buy back someday

Some nights
I still wonder
What one more night could do
Till my brain remembers
Where this road goes through

And I don't blame you
For the nights that felt like love
Or driving nowhere
Just to keep from going home
Guess I needed something
To carry all that weight
You just held on too long

People keep calling you evil
But evil usually hides
You never lied about what you were
Just waited patiently

And I can't keep carrying
Something that keeps pulling me under
Even if your voice still sounds
Like escape some nights
Maybe that's the part
That's been scaring me
The part
Where I stop writing back

Don't need a stamp
Just a lighter
No return